Based on a combination of cultural exposures I have had recently been watching (Der Ring der Niebelung, The Wire and most explicitly Waiting for Godot) I have been thinking about how people are really afraid of weaknesses. This is true in real life as well as fiction and I just want to point out some of these examples.

Waiting for Godot "Lucky" - So your waiting in the middle of no where and meet two guys. One is bellicose, fat, carries a whip and everything he says is about his power and threatening. The other is attached to a leash, gaunt, near mute and clearly over worked. Which one is frightening? The latter as he kicks, is un responsive and the only time he speaks it is to express a starved bleak view. At least you can joke and bum food of the first guy.

The Wire "DeAngelo Barksdale" "Frank Sobotka" -
Season One's plot starts with DeAngelo getting aquitted and a judge getting angry about it. But DeAngelo is basically an indentured drug dealer to his uncle, Avon, who has had better luck staying off the radar. Avon and associate Stringer Bell eventually also become afraid of DeAngelo, once he's been arrested. Near the end of the season he sums up his situation with "we're born into this shit."

Season two's detail start like a gross parody of S1. Major Valcheck gets jealous that Frank Sobotka donated the glass window to their Church and punishes him by having a detail assembled to look into it. Sobotka is far on the side of the conspircy that the case ends up focusing on, but Valchek's indignation is one of the many thing makes the case a bust. Sobotka also gets a good line while trying to make a deal with the police "[The Stevedors] have been dying a slow death down [at Patapsco] for years, and now you say you'll protect us."

I have yet to see S3-5 so don't spoil it for me

Der Ring der Niebelung "Albrecht" and "Mime" - Albrecht cannot convince any of the Rhinemaidens to sleep with him so he steals their reason d'etre. He uses it to become master of his people and abuse his brother, Mime. All very bad, and it all takes place in the first and shortest of the tetragily. For the rest of the time he is without power, ultimately goading a son conceived off stage. Yet the guy who tried to barter his sister-in-law for construction work and later uses good he knows are stolen for the dept and also works very hard to have his children clean up his mistakes is sort of the hero.

"Mime" is even more clearly only despised as he is weak. After spending part one enslaved by his brother he reamerges in part three as the false parent to Siegfried. He might have killed Siegfried's mother, but he raised the kid to adult hood and taught him stuff. All of it was to get Siegrfired to steal the gold from the giant turned dragon Fafner, so he is evil, but failry transparent. So why does Siegfried continue to say Mime is worse than Fafner, who actually killed his brother to keep the gold?

Those operas are so WTF, I'd hate them if I was not so drawn to them.

So who else do these remind you of? How come so many major villains suffered major setbacks before the story begins? Does that make them more or less interesting than the ones who are super powerful at the begining

So the Iceland thing did not work out. Instead I am rushing an application to Haystack in Maine.

It has been a crazy week. I am doing something I would normally consider crazy. I cannot talk about it now, but I sort of want to see where it leads. It should be a good a story and I hope I have some one to tell it to, with out judgement of the craziness.

I am going to do those m life following their careers type articles I wrote about a little while ago. I am part way through the Tanya Donelly one. I hope you like them.

I was able to transfer my stay so that I will be going in mid August. I am nervous. My last traveling by myself (more or less) trip that I made was to Italy- the fateful trip that got me started on this live journal and other directions I am not sure were really good for me. Once again I do not know the language, or really much about the culture. The one thing everyone comments on when I talk about this is how their economy failed.

That reminds me of Italy: how every one was acutely aware of how inflation was changing with the Euro and they were lagging behind the rest of Europe. That was not fun.

I really need some one who is not in my family to talk to. Please respond to this post, I don't care if you change topics I just want to know that someone is reading.

I have been thinking a lot about the murder of Dr. Tiller today. I had not realized that it had been a decade since the last murder of an abortion provider in this country. The tension around the subject, the diminishing access to abortion providers is so great that it was easy to over look the lack of out right killings of doctors.

Saturday I did some volunteer work escorting at Planned Parenthood. I was the only person to volunteer for this Saturday and they really needed an escort that morning. The lock to the clinic entrance was broken and they could n open the door. Patients had to be directed to enter through the administration side of the building, parents/friend/significant others had to wait outside, which is unusual. There were only two protestors, but they were close to the clinic door and with the increased number of people outside tensions were high. The protesters tried to plead with the patients’ guests and one got very hostile in response. His hostile reaction was all-verbal, and he later told me that we should have called the police. I shrugged off how as long as they don’t actually block some one from entrance. If I were not alone and in a hectic situation I would have check if they were too close to the clinic; there is supposed to be a buffer zone that they cannot come within. Despite having one confused patient tell me to “fuck off” before realizing I was just trying to show her the right door I had a good time. I felt my time was valued and I was doing something I believe in. I have no desire to go into medicine this is the most I can do to support people getting abortions, or just low cost gyno care.

I grew up with a Catholic-Judeo framing for spiritual thought, as can be understood on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I generally like this. I took several religious studies classes and have a cursory knowledge of the Bible, which allows me to yell at the TV when I see parts of it misused. I think about it a lot, considering I am neither Catholic nor Jewish. To repeat what I wrote on my facebook page, I’m a non-denominational pantheist. God is part of all us, human, animal, plant, fungus, algae, forces of nature like hurricanes, volcano, organic and inorganic cycles. As individuals we are only part, but that not make us incomplete; it just means we have to interact.

Regarding abortion one of things that is problematic to me is how the Immaculate Conception and what that means. Mary in her conception was cleared of Original Sin (whatever that means) and installed with the ability to say yes to God’s plans for her. We are told that I is a sign of her braveness and faith. But really what does it me to be able to say “yes” to God’s plans. Does it mean just trust whatever happens to you will be taken care of and loved by God? The Jesus quotes that come most readily to mind are about economics. “Think of King Solomon and the lilies of the field…” (don’t stress, you are loved and taken care of, nothing you do can make you more worthy) and “pay Cesar what is due Cesar, but pay God what is due God” which leads me to believe that Jesus would have been for the separation of Church and State even if he was not leading a persecuted, underground religion. Either way, I like to believe that Jesus was attuned to situational concerns. I can try to write off the Immaculate Conception thing the way I write off the Assumption of the Virgin; an attempt to incorporate anti-corporal mumbo jumbo into medieval politics. The best we got out of it is a Titian painting.

These are the types of spiritual questions where discussion can become too abstract. Not enough discussion of specific situations as they arise. Which is really what the abortion is about. Do we demand that right and wrong are always decisions are always the same? Or do we let people use their own judgment, trust and help them?

I found some really good articles at Salon. It is all so tragic. Dr. Tiller really cared about his community, the human community and acted bravely. We cannot let this continue to happen. I don't really like this debate; it is too much of a fight where no one can really talk to the other. We don't respect each other's opinions, or even where the opinions come from. I am on the less vociferous side, (or maybe just the less represented in pop culture one) but we need to talk more, make ourselves more mainstream, without compromising.

Before unexpectedly getting this position I applied to an artist's residency program in Iceland. Yesterday I go in, but the time period would most likely interfere with this temporary full time job.

I have not yet looked into alternative sources of funding for going to Iceland, and I would like to work more on my financial independence. But I have not had much time or space for my work as an artist and have less now.

I had thought that after this job is over I would do some sort of Europe vacation. I would finally get to Spain. But in all likely hood that would be with members of my family and that would mean that I would not have the independence that I craved when making my Iceland application.

When I was a teenager I was kind of shocked that people could actually like things that fall into category of things made for adolescents. I could not believe anyone liked Britney Spears, N*SYNC etc. all in a non-ironic way. So I am kind of shocked that I now like someone who was making teen music in Latin America when I was in my early teens. While I am generally a much easier critic on things that are in Spanish than in English, and I would not love it so much if she never grew up. (Nor if in her mid career she did not do a tribute album to a band that she loved as a teen and proves that she always loved the dark side of pop.) But I am getting ahead of myself.

( ”Fey” )

And I did not even really apply for it. It is (probably) temporary. And it requires a commute which is something I have never really had.

I am very exciting.

The last time I saw a Wagner opera was Die Meistersingers von Nuremberg and my back fell asleep went pins and needles a couple of times. I have never had that feeling before or since. I also did not like the opera. Sure there was some beautiful music and a riot scene, but most of it was untranslatable, text heavy, not as humorous as it thought it was and it has the worst ending for an opera ever. The ending is bad in the way that makes whatever point the opera might have had until then look awful, mostly because it was already didactic in that way where it can only declare the beauty of the mastersinger’s music by declaring its superiority to all other music.
( More thoughts on Wagner and Der Ring )

And the Universe of Entertainment loves me!

I got FREE TICKETS to the opera! I am going see Siegfried and Götterdamerung! I am such a bad half Jewish girl to be so excited about this.

I suddenly went from being luke-warm-curious to see the new Star Trek to wanting to see it very badly. Part of it is that it now has prerelease positive buzz from preview audiences, but mostly it is realizing that Bruce Greenwood is cast as Kirk’s mentor, Christopher Pike. (I have not watched an Star Trek in years, but Pike was the original captain in the scrapped pilot who showed up in a late episode as a badly damaged paraplegic who was court marshaled or something so the produces could incorporate the scrapped pilot footage in a “new episode”, or am I thinking of someone else?) Greenwood is just one of those actors I love seeing in many bit parts because while he is so good as a lead, it seems most people do not know how to cast him. Atom Egoyan does know and gave two fantastic roles. I think I have scene Exotica about five times, and it has some of my favorite dialogue. I search very hard for this clip. My favorite bit of dialogue is around the fourth minute. But you should watch the whole movie.

It seems like some of my sister’s Boston’s concerts will be cancelled due to the mezzo soprano getting a cold. Hopefully she will recover soon.

Did I write about having read Alex Ross’s The Rest is Noise. I love the work he does for the New Yorker and his blog. I have an intellectual crush on him; I want to have his attitude and intelligence about music, philosophy, life. I wish my more free associations were as coherent and beautiful as his. I waited about two years for the book to be released, then a year to have to the time to read it. I read it mostly for the analysis of music under the Nazis, but surprisingly the most compelling stuff is about the post war music scene. I had only a vague idea of who Olivier Messian was, but when I first read about of “The Quartet for the End of Time” I started trying to group my sister with various members of her friends to perform it. Turns out her friend Mara, a clarinetist, had performed it up at Eastmen. One of her collaborators was so self involved and pompous that it reflected poorly on the piece.

Then I actually started listening to the music. I don’t know what I expected. I knew he was very Catholic, mystical and he mysticism leaned toward the transcendental. He loved birds and spent some time in POW camp under the Nazis. I think that must have had a profound effect on him. When you think about traditional Europe based Christian music there is all this Bach and Handel. Then the romantics came a long and while they were not Christian per say the had distinct ideas of what divinity should sound like and we seem to be stuck under it in so many ways. Sometimes when listening to Handel or Messian’s music is not like that at all. In addition to “The Quartet for the End of Time” I listened to “The Transfiguration of Our Lord Jesus Christ”. As that is more directly a religious piece it seems to mean more when I say that it does not search for divine sounds in the normal places. In fact the beginning has a church bell like section as if reminding you that you are here, on earth, thinking of a divine occurrence that you can only understand by covering a lot of sounds. Then the music is rather anti-dramatic. It does not want to sound divine, and a lot of the sound in it you might think of as being parts of dramatic piece, but with out the drama. It demands that is not ambiance music. It is not easy to like, but it is easier to say it is necessary than to say it has a place.

Finally on a political note support the appointment of Dawn Johnson for Attorney General. We have Kathleen Sibelius, now we need women’s advocate as attorney general, so sign the petition.

Alright, I am going to do a slightly persona post and latertry and write something about my love for Fey. Believe it or not I have been meaning to write that for a while.

My sister will be playing piano ins a voice piano, viola trio in Boston. The Sunday’s performance is in Trinity Church. Admission is free and I am recommending that those of you in the Boston Area attend it. Next Friday we will be having a concert in our apartment in New York. I would love to invite you there, but I am uncertain about the space. There are three performers inviting people already.

I have one class left and am working on a painting like in addition to the practice and study of certain computer programs which needs to be a daily habit. I have had two recent job interviews with city based landscape architecture places. I had sent in applications to work in gardening , but as I did cold calls it was a little unclear and even the people I heard back from were unclear. So that did not work out. On the other hand I know why you need to take courses in tropical plants to get a horticultural certificate from the Botanical Garden in New York. On the other hand it means I still have no definite plan. Am I being open to experiences and possibilities or just indecisive?

I have been meaning to write the piece on romance in fiction for a while now. I promised it way back, last October. It is occasionally on my mind but getting down to writing is something is something I have to force myself to do. Part of me wants it to be all encompassing, but I think I need a dialogue to be responding to, so please comment.

( Here it is )

So almost two years ago (god how time flies) back in field ecology a teacher was talking about how poison ivy is actually very ecologically valuable. I had not heard the term before but bassically since a lot of birds and insects are attracted to it and that iis how it is valued.

For some reason I thought it odd that this could be appreciated as value. After all most people think of poison ivy as a hard to get rid of weed and generally just painful. Then I started comparing it to other forms of value and how we asa society give more value to the scares and the untenable than something. I don't know how our economic recovery will work, but some how I think this says something about how we got here.

Hi,

President Obama has begun the process of overturning the Bush administration rule that limits the rights of patients to receive complete and accurate reproductive health information and services. The Bush rule is a huge threat to women's health, and this is our best chance to reverse it.

In order to overturn the Bush administration rule, Obama has to allow 30 days for the public to comment on what he proposes to do. THE OFFICIAL COMMENT PERIOD ENDS ON APRIL 9 AT MIDNIGHT. We need to show our support NOW to make sure his proposal to reverse the rule succeeds.

I want to make sure that doctors and hospitals aren't allowed to use their personal biases as an excuse to withhold health care information and services from their patients. That's why I joined Planned Parenthood in speaking out in support of President Obama's plan to undo this dangerous rule.

Will you add your voice? Here's the link with all the info you need:

Click Here

Just coming back from their concert. I feel both like I am late for the most amazing event and discovering something. I don’t know if anyone reading this has any idea what I am writing about (or if anyone is reading this). So I suppose I should give some background. Aterciopelados is a rock band from Colombia formed around Andrea Echeverri and Hector Buirrago. Andrea sings and plays the guitar; she also rolls her “r”s in the most appealing way Hector produces and plays bass. They both have solo music which was not included in the line up. They made there debut in 1993 and that album had this fantastic song on it.



I figured out what this song is about. The singer is in a bad relationship and is driving herself crazy that she is being cheated on. However she realizes this and knows it is time to go and explains it in a way that makes her partner laugh. I had just been paying attention to the chorus, which could work as a really weird Spanish lesson:

Malo si sí, malo si no ni preguntes
Ya no soy noy, fuera de mi es que me tienes
Que si vengo que no voy
que si estoy que me pierdo
que si tengo que no doy
que si estoy que me vengo

---------------------------------------------------------

It’s bad if it is, bad if it isn’t, don’t ask
I ‘m no longer myself, out side of the way you have me,
If I come, I don’t go
If I’m here than I’m lost
If I have I don’t give
If I’m here than I’m going

While most of the concert was a bout their most recent album Río the did take time for classics like that one. It really rocked; I was hoping they would play it but still had no idea what a crowd rollicking good time it would be. The Río material is much more atmospheric. At one point thy even played a recording of a river in Bogota while Andrea spoke of the importance of keeping water a safe and public commodity.

Did I mention that they are political activist? They had amnesty International reps outside gathering signatures to show support for an international effort to end violence against women. I love being in crowds cheering for things I believe in.

Don’t you love it when the only complaint you have is that there was not enough of it? A lot of the audience really wanted them to perform “Baracunata”. I would have loved it; I would also have enjoyed if they played this song from their last album. It was the first of theirs I heard and I love it and the video.



BTW I did not run into anyone I knew.

It has been a kind of weird week. I meant to write earlier about a meeting I went to about understanding the Obama economic plan. I have mostly been avoiding listening to the news and criticisms of the new administration .

This meeting was directed by a man who is a broker, worked under Giulianni for a while. He is a Republican but believes his party as exhausted the possibilities of improving the economy. I cannot say I really understand economy. The more I hear about it the less I understand it. And the discussion did involve a lot of anger towards AIG and what does it mean that many of the same people who got us into a crisis are expected to get us out. Plenty of reasons to be angry and I do feel that the idea that we could go back to something is stupid and misleading.

Similarly I have been struggling to write because I have written too much about a topic that I am not interested in writing about. What I meant to get to was that this meeting was supposed to be canvassing and I said I would but I wimped out over cold and despite our democratic nature people just do not want to sign a pledge to our great president to support him. There are also a lot of people afraid of more e-mail. Modern Life…

BTW speaking of supporting political causes please let the current administration know that you support their decision to overturn the last hours of the Bush administrations attempts to limit people’s access to correct information regarding birth control. Here is the form.

During this time I was made aware that I was not ready with my business card at a potential networking event. Just as I was not ready with an online portfolio at earlier networking events. I had a business card design that I don’t particularly like, but got printed out along with a much better card I did for my sister. I am officially offering myself to you as a business card designer.

Which brings me to another point: I am much more impatient with myself than I am with others. I am angry for not having a more together in my life and yesterday was a big example of it. For starters I easily feel like I don’t have many friends. Or at least not many that I can get in person-to-person contact with easily. I need to have people who are not related to me who want to be with me and the fact that I have to spend so much time trying to get in contact with people who I get very little face time in return with. Yesterday I had and scheduled a meeting with a friend whom I have not seen since OCTOBER. It has been so hard to get a time that is available for both of us that I allowed it to be scheduled in a time that really was not good for me , (less than an hour before a class down town). It was kind of a desperate move by me. The short of it is we did not meet. I had to run and she was actually coming to my part of town to see her boyfriend. He lives around the block from me, so I am a little insulted I am not invited to tag along for things with them. It is sort of immature, but I’m lonely.

So about that class I had to run away for was a portfolio presentation class. I am no where near ready for it. The teacher is my former typography teacher who sort of recommended the course to me. I was looking forward to it but started getting a sinking feeling part way into it. I had not brought or even prepared my portfolio and I realized that I should be further into my studies before taking this course. When it got to be time for me to share my portfolio I took them to the graphic design part of my website, which content wise is the weakest section. It was also a reminder that I don’t really have the skills to put together what is in my mind and I need to have something out there. So there were some criticisms regarding using too many type faces and the background has nothing to do with the grid I have images in. When I tried to explain n that I don’t have the skills to build that she said “no the skills are all in your head.” (Think Hanuman)

I was also told that I came of as nervous and self defeating in my presentation. As I said I had that unshakable I-don’t-belong-here feeling. This is the second time in a little less than a year that a teacher has told me that I presented like I have acted nervous like I was sure I would fail. My first semester’s studio class teacher told me my end of term second semester final came off that way. I was feeling doomed at that point (and over whelmed by my inability to understand what was once very simple).

What do I have to do to get this out of my system?

This might become something semi regular. Beware of spoilers.


This entry started back while watching the episode of Chick, “Chuck vs. the Beefcake.” The advertisement mentioned how this was going to be the episode where Chuck goes through torture because real spies can all withstand it. That was enough to make me groan. Unfortunately between this advertisement and the actual airing was the episode “Some Must Watch While Some Must Sleep” of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles which managed to put a new spin on torture. As the guy who kidnapped Sarah said “Most people get it backwards, it is not cause pain until you make them talk. It’s making them talk until it causes pain.” Which he did.

Chuck bought the whole “pain causes people to talk” theory, and did not question it. It also played out within a little contrived love triangle. The really manly MI-6 Agent Cole has shown up to flirt madly with Sarah just as Chuck is once again too tired of their “cover”, not “real” relationship to deal with the pretence. During the torture scenes they pretty explicitly that it is up to a “real man” to withstand torture. Chuck cries, flails and faints, while Cole is able to taunt back and really endure all sorts of pain. And the writers really seemed to fetishize having this strong man undergo all sorts of torture while maintaining aplomb. Over the course of his two episodes arc he got injured and tortured multiple time. He was frequently covered in red (too much of a fetish to call it blood). He never became ill humored, constantly made the title character seems more whiney than usual and was always trying to get into Sarah’s pants. This involved emphasizing how thankless her job is.

I mostly like this show. It is the first Josh Shwartz show I like. I couldn’t get into The O.C. and kind of hate Gossip Girl. Unlike those shows here they seem to get why the fantasy is compelling instead of just filing time with the tropes appropriated from other people’s fantasies. But it is at its strongest when it is about Chuck’s desire to be really special, and fear of what that means and his desire to be normal and fear of what that means. It is a kind of universal feeling. But then it does not seem to know what heroism is. It still believes in the alpha male stuff that it otherwise wants to poke fun at. Plus with the exception of “Captain Awesome” all the other guys on the show are so unattractive. They have no empathy, ambition and are often more annoying than amusing, let alone endearing. Yet sometimes they seem to be the most fun the writers have.

This kind of man loving tough guy stuff is pretty prevalent in pop culture right now. For the first time in the series run I have not been able to enjoy/trust the writers of Lost and it is because of the love of Sawyer. This is nothing against Josh Holloway, who is a fine actor. I could never really buy Sawyer as a leader. I can sort of intellectually grasp why he so popular; he is good looking and has a lot of great lines but really all flavor and no substance. I don’t really buy that people would look to him as a leader. I have had this feeling since the season three episode where Hurley gets Sawyer to “campaign’ to stay in the losties good graces. He argues that people look to him and all I could think, “people look at him as some one who has their fingers in all the pots, not a potential leader.”

Sawyer is the least interesting of the shows lead male characters, all spice and swagger, no substance. I simply don’t care about what motivates him or what he is thinking. The love quadrangle with Sawyer/Kate/Jack/Juliet is just a drag. First I kind of identify with Jack, both in the need to have attainable goals and the inability to feel guilt free no matter what. Because of this I may be the only person who like that “Jack gets his tattoos” episode. Sure for the “on island present timeline” Jack for most of season four had been blocked by his own need to believe that getting off the island is his goal in life. But in that respect his opposing force has always been John Locke. But for whatever reason Jack and Sawyer as romantic rivals gets more airtime.

I have not given much time to the female parts in this romantic equation. In general I have liked Juliet as a character more than Kate. Probably for the same reasons I like Jack more than Sawyer; her tension is more internal than external*, we come from more similar backgrounds. But unlike the male characters the female ones do not seem to be in question of what it means to be a woman. It is like it just is and does not have to work in anyway as construct. The only character who did have the feminity as construct thing going on was Shannon, may she rest in peace. Therefore getting paired off is such an over defining part of their personalities. In some ways it is like Juliet and Sawyer just started cohabitating because they were around each other for so long. It did not really go with their dynamic. It is just another reason I cannot swallow the whole Sawyer as semi-leader position.

*The conversation-that-could-not-help-being-a-pissing-match between Jack and Sawyer at the end of the last episode where Sawyer accused Jack of not thinking over his decisions during the first four seasons of the show does not really change my opinion.

This is a little creepy. There is some guy who kept trying to friend me on facebook. When people I don't know try and friend me I usually send them a message saying what criteria led you to me, what do you want from this virtual relationship. This guy only responded to the second question saying that he wanted to meet in real life. That would not be so creepy if he did not also keep sending friend request after friend request. I put a block on him on facebook, but I have recently gotten requests from him to chat via mail. He is really not getting the message.

I have never had a stalker, either internet or real life. It is not something I ever wanted, no matter how much I want attention and the assurance that someone is thinking of me. It is kind of as funny as it is creepy.

So I have to think of the Power of Positive thinking. I have been reading up about how it is brave and takes knowledge and convictions of values. Thinking of this helps me get tow work. I have written letters and emails over a dozen MHC alumnae asking for advise (and possibly work) as well as some potential work in gardening.

In relation to the thinking positive ihave started thinking of this song, “En el 2000” by Natalia LaFourcade.

(This may be the official video but it is not the one I am most familiar, though the trio in bride’s maids dresses are in other one)



For those who do not speak Spanish the song is a look back in recent history, to the recent past, (the year 200, and the song came out in 2004 so it was an even shorter past) There are a lot of lyrics about the pop cultural phenomena and the some personal memories. Good or bad the refrain leads to “Now I’m not/ Now I am not/ the infantile creature/ the innocence is over/ It’s over/ What happens the next day” (I think you could reasonable argue that the lyric is “the innocence ended itself”). And she sound so happy. Really I cannot think of another example of being that relieved and happy that it is over, and so excited about the next day.

But the song sort of is like me. I am happier now than I as in 2000. For all the uncertainties I have I am capable of a better out look. And I need to be active about this.

This is what Señorita LaFourcade is up to now.



Please tell me she'll tour New York.

So last Tuesday I went to the Virgin Mega Store in Time Square to buy the new U2 and Neko Case albums. As I walk in I notice the clearance sale. I cannot be too surprised, I have seen he signs, clearing floor space just to consolidate it; Fanny Lu’s Dos sold out within its first weeks and was not restocked; the record industry is in shambles. But still I am going to miss it.

I had not yet written down how depressed it makes me to walk by going out of business Circuit Citys. Stores going out of business bother me, but major chains where there are two within walking distances who hire people to walk around in sand witch boards getting customers in the stores is frightening. It is the way the recession screams into my face.

I was late for the age of the Mom and Pop stores in New York. I cannot miss them. They got over run buy conglomerates and chains, and the end of the conglomerates and chains is not going to bring them back. And I know it is not just record store, electronic stores, it’s a general lack of places to go, hang out, find things that interests you. Virgin does not have the most observant staff so I am less likely to inspire a conversation about which Björk remix albums are better than the studio originals than I was at Tower*, but it is impossible over the internet.

*The of course did happen. I will always miss Tower and I don’t care how weird it is to have a soft spot for a defunct chain store.